This is what Level IV Raccoon Remediation looks like. YES, we have already done this. WE HAVE. But the furry little bastards ripped the eaves back open and moved back in. AND they are trying to rip the roof off our shed. Or else there is another roof wrecking varmint… I prefer to believe it’s just them.
Ian and Keeghan are playing hide and seek. Ian has just informed Keeghan that it’s his turn to count. To one hundred. By fives. SLOWLY.
This is me and my brother with my Grandmother Gray. And Ian, but you can’t see him because none of us had met him yet. This is February, 2007, and we were celebrating my grandmother’s 90th birthday. February, near lake Erie, with snow on the ground. But I found shamrocks… I remember I taped them to a note I wrote to Grandma about them. Shamrocks in the snow… I miss her every day.
I know that it’s become sort of fashionable to bemoan the way social media is ruining our society, but honestly, I love social media. (Okay, I don’t “get” twitter, can’t be bothered with Linked In, but… I’m a Facebook addict, and I’m feeling the Pinterest love, too.) The biggest problem I do see with it is the fact that it fuels the whole idea that the grass really is greener. It’s easy to convince yourself that you are the only one who struggles. It’s easy to look at everyone else’s photo albums and think how bad your life looks in comparison and to forget that what you are seeing is CURATED.
Seriously, it’s not that these things aren’t real. They are real, and that’s part of the insidiousness of it all. You know everything I post here is real. (And I am using myself as an example because I am not trying to criticize anyone else, and not out of any illusion that you should, for some reason, be jealous of how I have it all together. Particularly since I tell on myself often enough that I’m not about to pretend that I believe that.)
I’m a real person, this is my real family, these are real, crappy cell phone photos of food I actually prepared and we really ate or of us really doing the goofy things that we really do. And I’m showing you REAL photos of my REAL progress. But do I choose to show you a photo of me realizing that my tee shirt is too short in the middle of kickboxing, or of me coming in from the rain with wet pant legs, feeling sorry for myself? NO, of course not. And it’s not because I’m trying to pretend that my life is perfect and those moments don’t exist. It’s because, like you, I don’t enjoy those moments and I’d prefer they go away as quickly as possible. There is nothing wrong with this. It’s just that we all need to agree to regard the internet as a visit to the Museum of Us, filled with selected items we want to preserve. It’s not a bus trip through real life. That’s also why it’s so important to leave sometimes. Because museums are fun, but they are no place to live.
In some ways this is nothing new. Picture June Cleaver running the vacuum cleaner in heels and pearls. And… there we are. There is a reason the Stepford Wives were robots. (Spoiler, sorry.) Because being a real person is messy. There are things you are good at and things you are not so good at. You require inspiration. Balance between passion and necessity is not easy.
So let’s all love Pinterest in a little corner of our world, and keep it where it belongs. Don’t let it creep out of that corner and make you think your storage closet needs perfectly aligned bins with decorative labels made of scrapbook paper. (No, I’m not making that up. I contemplated that detour into frou-frou overload for about 11 seconds and then I pulled myself back from the brink.) If that’s your THING, then… well, go you, but it’s not for me. Labelled cardboard boxes from the recycling bin will work just fine. In some ways, the more we try to pretty things up, the more bland and boring they become. We are robbing our children of the charm of going through old boxes dated in Grandma’s not-so-perfect handwriting and discovering treasures. Much like the men of Stepford robbed themselves of the joy of having their wives surprise them by being so much more amazing than a cleaning service with pretty hair.
Join me on this bus trip. We’ll stop at coffee shops (that aren’t part of a chain); we’ll write post cards. We will lose things and be elated to find them again. We will triumph over bad habits and we will have crazy jokes about that one time when something ridiculous happened. We will meet people and tell stories. We will grow old and wear red and purple together. We will have quirks and get on each others’ nerves, and WE WILL LIVE. We will love. We will sing, even if we don’t do it very well. We’ll try new things. We will remember that as much as others annoy us is how much we sometimes annoy others. We will teach our kids to know the words to things, and we will somehow rub along together very well. And we will all be stronger. Yes, we can!
I have now completed three weeks of the 10 lb slimdown xtreme. In some ways, I am not surprised because this is part of how things are supposed to progress, but in other ways I am amazed at how quickly I worked my way up to having this feel normal. Yes, we can! If you’re not ready for “Xtreme,” find a 10 minute total body routine you like and start working it into your day. If that’s too much, find a 10 minute Yoga routine. Or go for a walk. I’m not trying to boss you around, but I know you can do it. I believe in you!
Day: 71
The scale has moved: -16 lbs
The inches have changed: -17.25 inches
I feel: like wearing purple.
I’ve walked: 93.87 miles and counting!
We were trying for a two kid stunt, but it turns out that Keeghan is not good at either taking direction or holding on, so this is the best we could do.
Last night, as a special treat, Ian got to help me make whole wheat waffles for his dinner. (Breakfast for dinner- it’s a thing.) I froze the leftovers for his lunches. Apparently, he really likes them, because he tried to steal the cooling leftovers to eat all at once, and then this morning he raided the freezer to make sure I would put some in his lunch today. Keeghan and Michael also each gave them two thumbs up. The dudes had them with store-bought blueberry syrup that I believe came from Trader Joes, but you can definitely make some from fresh fruit. (These obviously are not on my eating plan, so I had one bite to make sure the recipe was good and stopped.)
This little foray into breakfast for dinner was partly inspired by the fact that I love that awesome kid and cooking with him is getting really fun, partly by a search for a little more variety to pack in his lunchbox, and partly by my embarrassing discovery that, among other excesses and tomfoolery, we had three jars of open molasses in the pantry. Molasses, in addition to being the sweet, delicious star of gingerbread goodies, is also really high in iron and lower on the glycemic index than sugar, so I Googled for recipes that used molasses and, after adjusting for what ingredients I had on hand, came up with this.
I can’t tell you exactly how many this recipe makes, because 1- it depends on your waffle maker, and 2- the dudes were eating them so fast I didn’t really get a chance to count. But it’s at least a dozen square waffles, and probably 18.
I turned on the waffle iron to preheat, and then, in the biggest mixing bowl I have, we combined the wet ingredients. (Spray the measuring spoon with cooking spray before you measure the molasses.) I let Ian prick each egg yolk with a fork and then taught him how to whisk the ingredients together. While he did that (greatly amused at how the molasses sank to the bottom and then stuck to his fork before finally combining with the other ingredients- a little side lesson on density going on there) I measured the dry ingredients into a smaller mixing bowl and combined them well. Ian slowly added the dry ingredients to the wet while I blended with a hand mixer. (If it looks too thick when you are done, add some more milk, 1 Tablespoon at a time, until it looks right for waffles.)
I dropped the batter onto the waffle iron (use the appropriate quantity for your iron) and cooked each one until it was golden brown- 2:30 was about perfect, but expect a little trial and error. These waffles were light, fluffy, and released beautifully. To freeze leftovers, just cool them completely on a wire rack and then package them for the freezer. I used sandwich bags, so they could go off to school with my dude, but you could of course put them between layers of waxed paper in a freezer container.
It may not be pretty but we’re getting it done.
I recently watched this incredibly compelling presentation. And I wanted to talk about the fact that you have the right to look however you want to look. Prettiness is not a rent you pay for occupying a space marked “female”. Pretty isn’t going to get this done, anyway. It’s not going to protect your kids from strangers, it’s not going to make you a fun grandma, and it sure as heck is not the measure of your character.
I don’t have a daughter but I don’t think that matters. My relationship with myself is going to set the bar for how my boys view women. I want them to see us as strong, capable, intelligent human beings. I want them to grow up and respect everyone, regardless of how “pretty” or not they are. I want them to understand that attractiveness and value are not the same, regardless of your gender. I am really not sure exactly how to do that, but I am going to start by working hard at being STRONG. I’m going to break up with my fat pants. I’m going to think in terms of healthful and unhealthful, not slim and heavy.
I pledge not to measure myself by how any celebrity looks in her swimsuit, and also not to value HER by how she looks in her swimsuit. I will not compare my journey to anyone else’s. I will offer a helping hand whenever I can. We are all in this together. Let us leave no one behind.
Please join me. Today, let’s eat our vegetables in the interest of being the oldest lady anyone knows, not of looking “good” in a swimsuit. Let’s lift some weights and do some plyometric exercises so we can jump on the trampoline with our teenagers someday. Let’s celebrate ourselves, our lives, and our families in all their glorious, beautiful, imperfection. You are not a marble sculpture. Your beauty comes from the love that shines out of you. LET IT SHINE.
Day: 64
The scale has moved: -15 lbs (50% of my goal!)
The inches have changed: -16.75 inches (and my waist hip ratio is now a “healthy” 0.8!)
I feel: AMAZING. Loved. Just fine the way I am.
I’ve walked: 80.77 miles and counting!
