WHAM.

At the beginning of last week, the dryer quit drying.  The tumbler works, but it’s not heating up.  This is most likely due to the death of a $10 part buried so deeply in the bowels of the dryer we won’t have a dryer any more by the time we get to it.  You have to order this part- you can’t pick it up at the hardware store.  Fine.  We can make do with no dryer for a week, and we’re both plenty handy enough to replace one simple part even if it means disassembling most of the dryer to do it- although I, for one, can’t get close enough to the dryer to do so unless the fetus wants to take a hand in the job.  No worries.  This is an annoyance. Also, unbeknownst to us, the opening salvo.

Yesterday morning we woke up to the extra dark, extra quiet house that means… POWER’S OUT!  A few quick peeks out the windows revealed that only OUR power was out. There IS a dead tree branch over our power drop, maybe it went down. (Also, I know I’ve never mentioned it, but our electrical panel needs updating… the entire basement, including several major appliances, is on one circuit as far as we can tell.  The upstairs fairly regularly blows circuits as well. We’re getting used to it.)  We’ll investigate later. No problem, we’re prepared for this… we got a couple extra flashlights and a pack of emergency cold lights.  Fire ’em up, get dressed, and we’ll head out for breakfast since I must eat exactly on schedule.  Good thing eggs and toast is not exotic and can be ordered at your neighborhood diner.

Then, My Hero (also known, around here, as 007) went downstairs in the dark and before “up time” to discover that the problem was a couple of tripped circuits.  So the lights came on while I was taking my shower.  And promptly went back out again. So he turned them on again and was greeted with a fizzing pop and some smoke from… the water heater. So he shut off the circuit for the water heater. And called the repair firm whose information is featured on a label on said water heater.  They eventually arrived at 5 pm to charge us $150 to inform us that we need a new one.  Which they can install on Monday for approximately $1,000.  But they’ll take off $50 since we had a service call today. (At least we were able to eat breakfast at home, after all.)

While we were reviewing this information, 007 went to pick up the mail… and found a letter from the IRS requesting that we pay nearly $4,000 for about $40,000 of income he didn’t earn in 2009. This is due to some erroneous documents filed by Bearing Point, which was his employer before they got bought by Deloitte in 2009. The IRS recommend we pay the amount in full to avoid penalties and interest during the investigation period.  They would not, of course, pay us any interest for the use of our money during that time when they refunded it.

But wait! It gets better, because the most likely culprit for why the water heater is broken is… our shower leaking into the basement! It had been leaking before, but my father came and did some repairs that made it water tight… for a few months, apparently.  We have already investigated the cost to replace the shower pan.  Because it’s a non-standard size, we need a custom fabricated pan and enclosure, or a custom pan and tiled enclosure.  The custom fabricated pan: $600.  We HAD been thinking that the demolition of the old one, at least, would be no problem, because you should see me with a sledge- I got lots of opportunities in my last house to practice these skills.  The fetus, on the other hand, has yet to learn to use one, and, as mentioned previously, is between me and the work. Well, we do have two bathrooms on the main floor, and we can go back to making do with one. Not so much without hot water, but still…

Oh, did I mention My Hero is sick?  He woke up with a hacking cough and not much voice. The house is just kicking him when he’s already down.

So, to recap…

The hot water heater is out. The repair guy came down to $850 from his original estimate in addition to the $150 we already paid him.  (Yeah, we’re shopping around a bit.)  Well, you can do without a hot water heater for a couple days. Of course, ours takes with it the dishwasher, showers, and boiler heat.  We can boil water to hand wash dishes and for bathing, but let’s hope the weather doesn’t turn too nippy, okay? Because I don’t know how long our little supply of firewood will hold out.

The dryer is out, but you CAN line dry laundry.  Of course, that laundry will have been washed in cold water, since the water heater is out… no matter.  We have clean clothes on hand and can manage for a few days.  We’re looking at around $20 for part and shipping, unless it doesn’t work, in which case… new dryer.  I picked up a pop-up clothes dryer and a five-line laundry hanging system to tide us over.

The shower in our bathroom leaks and can’t be used.  $600 and a 4-6 week lead for the shower pan, a few hundred for the other materials, and some slave labor should sort that problem out in a jiffy. Or we just don’t use it for a while.

The IRS wants $4,000.  Never mind, we aren’t writing them a check just now.  The headache of dealing with the matter is another issue.

We still need to go car shopping, since my Guy Magnet will not hold Ian’s car seat and an infant seat at the same time unless you remove the front passenger seat. As a soon-to-be family of four, that presents a problem. I suppose we could solve that one by staying home a lot. Or we could opt for the lower investment of one of those multi-passenger bikes you see at the boardwalk and just pedal everywhere.  Ian would love being strapped to the handlebars, and I’m sure a bike trailer would carry the shopping home.

Yesterday was the day I’d set aside for starting my shopping for Ian’s summer clothes, the last few things we need for the baby’s room, and enough basic clothing items that no one need endure the sight of my naked body for the remainder of my pregnancy and post-partum period unless they are my health care provider. Because I’ve reached that, “oops, there’s some belly hanging out there” stage and I Do Not Like It.  I dropped $21.50 at the consignment sales and then went to Target, where I spent enough to make me dearly wish I could bury my head in a bucket of ice cream until the whole thing is over. I still have to hit a couple more consignment sales for Ian, because boys’ size 4T/5T is not that easy to come by. WHY, you ask? Because they’ve already destroyed everything, that’s why.  (Got any hand-me-downs for me? Thanks.)

Oh yeah, the fact that I can’t, for instance, just have a bowl of cereal for lunch the day before shopping day? Kind of hard on the grocery budget.  Because it turns out, as if you didn’t already know, that the more you go to the store the more you spend… and I have to go every time we run out of ANYTHING on my diet.

We still need to sort out the patio door situation in the basement playroom, but right now that’s so far down the list it almost didn’t rate a mention.

Have I mentioned I’m a stress eater? At this point, the sight of a cupcake makes me want to kick things.  Overheard here last night:

Me: I really want to have ice cream [with dinner], but the responsible thing to do is to have two slices of toast.

007: You know, there are moms out there doing crack right now.

Me: Yes, but they don’t plan to love their babies, and I do.

I had the toast. And my post dinner blood sugar reading was NORMAL. And I haven’t kicked anything… YET.

In short, we are two people who are thrifty by nature hit with a number of major expenses, not just in the same month, but in the same WEEK. We’re starting to feel like we’ve lost our minds. And we’re glad the week is over.

I am grateful that the house decided to have the house equivalent of a grand mahl seizure followed by multiple organ failure 8 weeks BEFORE my due date and not, say… while I’m in the hospital right after I have this baby.  Because now I have time to hold a yard sale on the front lawn to try and raise some cash. I’ll be the one with my belly hanging out over my pants, selling maternity clothes…

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