Sometime between when I saw him on Christmas Day and when I went to feed and brush him the next morning, sweet Remus passed away. He was almost 18, and he’d been with me through nearly all of my adult life. I unfortunately was home alone with the kids when I found him and I had to lock myself in my room until I got over my crying jag so that Michael and I could tell Ian, together, that Goodbye had come for his Kitty Friend. He took it better than I did, of course, because children always do. I realize that not everyone is a cat person, but even if you despise cats, it’s hard to ignore the fact that 18 years is a long relationship with anything or anyone. And saying goodbye to something you’ve loved for 18 years… well, that’s hard. And it makes you think about things.

Romulus and Remus, together again. RIP sweet kitties.

I remember that when I was in my early twenties I felt as though I was terribly far from both my childhood and from old age. I don’t presume to speak for YOU, but from having talked with other people it seems I was not completely alone in feeling that way. It seemed as though time spread out before me in vast swathes- my life was not yet written, and anything could happen. Anything at all.

And then I had children. Having kids changed my entire relationship with time. Being there through the first few years of their lives made me realize how very fast I am going through those vast swathes of time I once thought lay before me. They also bring back my own childhood so vividly that I sometimes feel as though nothing but a few heartbeats or a breath separates me from either my childhood or from the time when I sincerely hope to find myself “stricken in years.”  Ian went from a newborn to a Kindergartener in a blink of the proverbial eye. Suddenly I feel time’s passage  like I’m sledding down a 90 degree drop with “OLD AGE” embossed at the bottom, and There Are No Brakes. The thing about time is that there is no getting off this ride. (Unless you’re the Doctor. Which reminds me that I am still ticked off that my DVR did not record the Christmas Special. But never mind.)

Anything can still happen, but what I would like to happen is for me to be strong well into my kids’ adulthood and hopefully well into the lives of THEIR kids. I feel very fortunate that my parents are healthy enough to enjoy my children. I would like my boys, someday, when they have fallen in love and gotten married and become awesome Daddies, to be able to have me pay forward even the smallest part of what Rama and Raba have been to them. I aspire to be a Strong Grandma.

Monday Progress Report:

I will have progress photos for you tomorrow. Sorry, we just didn’t get to it today.

I feel like I should specify here that I’m tracking my TOTAL progress. So when I say + or -, I mean vs. day 1, not since my last progress report. It helps me to keep the big picture in mind, so I don’t get discouraged on weeks where progress is smaller.

Day: 50
The scale has moved: -12 lbs
The inches have changed: -13.5 inches
I feel: Ready to move into week 8 and 2013 STRONGER and LIGHTER. Yes, we can!
I’ve walked: 59.89 miles and counting!